- What am I even buying here??
Short answer: The most pleasurable piece of cardboard you’ll ever experience!
Long answer: A 29″ long and 17″ wide Dick laser cut from a piece of cardboard. We’ll mail it to any recipient of your choice.
- Do you sell gummy dicks?
Fuck no. We’re not one dick ponies like all those other imposter websites. We’ve been shipping dicks since 2011. If you email us asking for gummy dicks, we’ll kidnap your favorite pet and go straight up Old Yeller on it.
- How is this giant dick shipped?
We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service.
- How much is shipping?
All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $3 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $5-$8 depending on destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping cost will be calculated on the checkout page.
- How long does it take to get there?
Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. Our website will give you a Priority Mail ESTIMATE regarding the arrival of your dick. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this. Dicks travelling internationally take much longer to arrive; expect them to show up in 2-4 weeks. USPS has this postal calculator that does a good job of estimating shipping times. Our zip code is 97214.
- Can I ship a dick internationally?
Does a nightingale sing? Is the Eiffel Tower more than a vile sex act? Did I tattoo my name on your grandmother’s front butt? YES! International dick shipping rates will be applied on checkout, as they change for every country. Expect delivery in 2-4 weeks.
- Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick?
Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell.
- Are the dicks sent anonymously?
They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label. Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information.
- How thick is the dick?
Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace.
- What color are the dicks?
Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other.
- Can I get a multiple dick discount?
You sure can!! We call it DVDA around here, but some like to call it “buy 3 dicks, get the 4th free!” If you insert 4 dicks into the holes of your shopping cart, Mr. Dick will automatically deduct 25% off each dick, making the fourth one free.
- What if I want to order more than 4 dicks, can I get a better deal?
What you need is a Bag of Dicks! When DVDA won’t cut it, we’ll hook you up with the ‘Bag-o-Dicks special’! Often called a bulk order in layman’s terms, the ‘Bag-o-Dicks special’ is an order of 10 or more dicks. Contact us for more info and pricing. We’d be happy to send a dick to everyone in your office or family.
- How long of a custom message can I add to the dick?
Only 30 characters. If you can’t condense your message to under 30 characters, how do you expect to engage that drunk millennial?
- What font is the custom message?
In the one and only classy Comic Sans.
- I want a different font for my custom message, is that possible?
No! Screw you Fonties and your artificial, esoteric opinions!
- Where is the custom message placed on the dick?
In the center of the white side of the dick, just like in the picture.
- Is there only one dick to choose from?
No! We make a new dick for every holiday or whenever dicksperation strikes!
- Can I submit a new dick shape to you?
Yep! But make it good. We don’t reinforce mediocrity around here. We fuck it to pieces.
- Is it possible to buy a smaller dick to ship?
WHAT?!?!?!? Why the hell would you want a smaller dick???!!??!?!?!? We do offer the pathetically small “Beeber” for only $4.99!
- Why are you guys even doing this?!?!?
Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.)
- Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of your parents’ basement?
Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?