The Dicklace
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  • The Dicklace
  • The Dicklace

The Dicklace

Ah, the locket.

The seminal accessory of the 1980’s high school hottie. How we longed to grace the inner sanctum of April Castellani’s locket as she waltzed across the Homecumming dance floor. Oh, what could be better than our face permanently rocked by the rise and fall of her steady breasts, our nostrils aquiver with Aquanet and Christian Dior. What, what’s that you say–April’s still living in Worcester, and she’s got 17 kids. Cock about dodging a bullet…

Twenty five years after that fateful night, we’ve created a friendship necklace so much better than a generic heart on a chain. Guaranteed to penetrate even the most conservative of jewelry boxes, the dicklace is essentially a broken dick. However, just like Captain Planet and the Bushwhackers, you can combine your powers and broken phallus to create one wholesome meat puppet which aptly defines your relationship status. To be clear, the dicklace is NOT cardboard. It’s made from the finest soft die-stuck enamel and attached to a gold (metal, about 5000 karats we presume) chain. When you’re apart, the severed dick hanging from your neck will remind you of that terrible vacancy in your soul. And when you meet for that glorious reunion, your dicks will cum together to create a Voltron of love and sisterhood so formidable that Meatloaf will be forced to finally do “that.”

Each dicklace is made from soft die-stuck enamel and consists of 2 halves. Every order will come with a 24″ gold necklace attached to each half.

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$14.99