It’s cum on our attention that some haughty peasants have attempted to break our monopoly in the dickbagging industry. We are hereby forced to disclose to a candid world that by the powers vested in us by Grandfather Dick and the Great Dickshipping Assembly of 1869, we have offcially delcared war on those craphounds from dicksbymaildotcom.
Let it be known, fellow boners in arms, we are not shaking in our mantyhose. If we’re swaying a little, it’s just the 2 gallons of Mad Dog begging to get out. These middling kids clearly misunderestimate the value of a postal penis. I mean, seriously? Gummy dicks? Unless Aunt Edna is taking out her dentures to reward her intrepid nephew, gummy dicks are just about as relevant as Robotussin…..
But, I digress. This is actually a new product description. Behold the better Bag O’ Dicks. It’s a faux burlap sack on the brink of implosion from the weight of 20 miniature MANtlepieces. We wanted to wait ’til Mother’s Day, but some halfwits have forced us to pull it out today.
We’ve even included a custom note card for free!! Enter your message below.
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