The Dick Rose!
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  • Private: The Dick Rose!
  • Private: The Dick Rose!
  • Private: The Dick Rose!

The Dick Rose!

Stop and sniff the dicks.

Organically harvested deep in the bowels of the Rose City, this enchanting Dick Rose will machete its way to the heart of that jaded Valentine and marshal its own dicker tape rose parade. Like an overworked pasture bull, the Dick Rose stands alone in the field of Valentine’s Day accouterments and expertly dispatches bra-straps, jockstraps and straps-on immediately upon its release into the wild. Inspired too by Seal, this dick from a rose is so aroseing, you’ll be tucking in your boner even before you put on your soccer shorts.

Because of the aforementioned empirical facts, we think you should purchase the Dick Rose today. Unlike shitty, real flowers, the Dick Rose won’t die 5 days after the night in question. Unlike chocolate, the Dick Rose won’t turn your lover into a unrecognizable blob of gyrating manfat. Standing at an impressive 12 inches, this solitary cockflower is a red acrylic dick imposed upon a green acyrlic stem. The Dick Rose will always stand erect no matter how many whiskeys it orders when you’re trying to have a nice goddamn dinner for once!

Happy VD everyone!

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$6.69