The Selfie Dick
Mirror, mirror on my Balls…
While scouring the internet for adorable pussy memes, I came upon the face of one of our interns. Not like that, sicko. He was looking over my shoulder at a pair of frisky kittens.
As I watched him adjust his meticulously gelled Mohawk in my I-Pad screen, I realized that our incestors have reared the most narcissdick and superdickal generation in the history of civilization, and suddenly inspiration stamped its mushroom on my cheek; I. Senor Dickwad the III, should profit off these soulless glory hounds.
Mirror, mirror on my Balls? Who’s the fleekest of them all? It’s you, my arrogant little dickface. Introducing, the pathetically shallow selfie dick. A 5 inch stallion fashioned from mirrored acrylic, this selfie dick is essentially a curse for conceited butt nuggets. It enthralls the beholder into a catatonic state of self-love, but does so by turning his/her face into a dick. So sharpen your selfie stick, and fill out that People to Dick List.
Include a custom notecard if you’d like. See my example: Take this, Cathy, you arrogant, demonic beef queen! Good luck jerking off those eyelash extensions!