If you’re getting married this fall, we’re sorry for your loss.
However, despite the tyranny of monogamous relationships, you still have a few months to salvage a tiny scrap of your former self. Because we’ve looked into our crystal balls and winced at your fate, we’ve created the Tuxdicko, a memento of sorts from the days when Saltines and Busch Light were too much to constitute a dinner party. Order one to confirm your attendance to a high-brow party or inform your groomsmen of their fates with a custom message. Perfect for bachelorette parties, divorces, bar mitzvahs, costume orgies, weddings and funerals, this sophistidick exudes dignity and grace.
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