Grandfather dick has finally greenlighted our gold aluminum pornament collection. Created by meth-addled elves who actually believe our basement is the north pole, these 3.5 inch dickerations will transform a heartless get-together into a holiday bash for the ages. Taught from conception to pinpoint dwindling Christmas spirit and slap the shit out if it, these pornaments are a must-have if you’re hosting this holiday season. Packaged in a golden box, laid to rest in fake cotton and secured with a silver ribbon, these guys cum gift-wrapped and ready for the white elephant dick exchange!
They are laser cut out of aluminum and then made gold through the magical process of anodization.
Lastly, we laser engrave the Merry Dickmas across the shaft to finish them off.
Each order includes a note card so you can tell them how much you care.
Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.