Novelty Dicks

Sold Out


We are currently limiting products during the COVID-19 crisis.
This item will be out of stock until further notice.
Thank you for understanding.

Please stay home.



What’s that swath of sloth you see next to the English Department? You mean that viscous puddle of profound indifference? That’s a yawn of coeds thrown up on the campus lawn. Oh yes, it’s Back 2 Skool Thyme y’all–cheers to another semester of drinking away your Daddy’s money between bouts of awkward yet well-intended fellatio. Because we here at Shipadick ( PHD, Fulbright Scholar) know too well the rigors of modern Academia, we’ve cum to your rescue again with the SAD Back 2 Skool Survival Kit. So put down that guitar you don’t know how to play, light some shitty incense and look at me when I speak. Yes, I’m talking to you, you goodfornothing, smartphone-humping, helpless millennial.

Contents include:
One neon acrylic dick ruler (History lesson!–most rulers are dicks)
Three dick pens (Impress all the cute subversive bookworms by insisting on hand-writing all your papers in cursive ‘cuz your thoughts just totally flow better that way)
Two dick koozies (Keep your beer cold or your dick warm)
A Book of Dick Matches (For lighting that Nag Champa to keep your dorm room fresh)
A handful of bootleg Adderall (kidding!)
A Tub of industrial strength White-out (still working out the shipping..)

Add a custom note card below for free! Help your slow-witted whelp onto the grenade-laden path of misery/adulthood with aptly chosen phrases like these; “If you fail this semester, you’re working on your pedophile uncle’s peanut farm” or “Good luck at college, my little moonbeam.”

Add a Fanny Pack of dicks for a discounted price of $8.99!
Not only will it will hold all their Skool supplies, but will help them be the top cock of the walk on campus.

Have a good school year you filthy edumacated coeds, we believe in you!

Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.

Weight10 oz
Select -->

Back 2 Skool Kit, Back 2 Skool Kit W/Fanny Pack of Dicks

Shopping cart
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
Copy link