Dick Apparel




What’s that swath of sloth you see next to the English Department? You mean that viscous puddle of profound indifference? That’s a yawn of coeds thrown up on the campus lawn. Oh yes, it’s Back 2 Skool Thyme y’all–cheers to another semester of drinking away your Daddy’s money between bouts of awkward yet well-intended fellatio. Because we here at Shipadick ( PHD, Fulbright Scholar) know too well the rigors of modern Academia, we’ve cum to your rescue again with the SAD Back 2 Skool Survival Kit. So put down that guitar you don’t know how to play, light some shitty incense and look at me when I speak. Yes, I’m talking to you, you goodfornothing, smartphone-humping, helpless millennial.

Contents include:
One neon acrylic dick ruler (History lesson!–most rulers are dicks)
Three dick pens (Impress all the cute subversive bookworms by insisting on hand-writing all your papers in cursive ‘cuz your thoughts just totally flow better that way)
Two dick koozies (Keep your beer cold or your dick warm)
A Book of Dick Matches (For lighting that Nag Champa to keep your dorm room fresh)
A handful of bootleg Adderall (kidding!)
A Tub of industrial strength White-out (still working out the shipping..)

Add a custom note card below for free! Help your slow-witted whelp onto the grenade-laden path of misery/adulthood with aptly chosen phrases like these; “If you fail this semester, you’re working on your pedophile uncle’s peanut farm” or “Good luck at college, my little moonbeam.”

Add a Fanny Pack of dicks for a discounted price of $8.99!
Not only will it will hold all their Skool supplies, but will help them be the top cock of the walk on campus.

Have a good school year you filthy edumacated coeds, we believe in you!

Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.

Weight10 oz
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Back 2 Skool Kit, Back 2 Skool Kit W/Fanny Pack of Dicks

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Love and always yours,
Mr. Dick.

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