Finally, the protection you need for the COVID-19 crisis has arrived.
While it may not be an oversized box of toilet paper, nor a case of medical masks that would be better suited in the hands of medical workers, it will help bring some smiles to your friends and loved ones. With the widening fears of the pandemic, let us help you make light of this scary situation with some erection protection. Each 29″ tall cardboard dick will don a lovely and stylish mask to keep it safe. 0 out of 69 doctors agree that you can strap this to your face while walking through crowds to protect you from the virus. While it lacks protection for you, sleep soundly at night knowing your cardboard dick will stay virus-free, even after attending that sold-out sporting event.
Add a free notecard to remind your co-workers to diligently wash their hands. Subtly communicate to your uncle that he should cough into his elbow or at least cover his god-damn mouth. Send a simple note to your neighbor to not come to your front door to ask to borrow a thermometer to check their temperature. Or mail that love letter to your paramour letting them know you still love them even though you can’t seem them for the next 3 weeks as you’ll be quarantined with your family.
Or maybe send it to your favorite prepper letting them know you’re sorry for making fun of their 6 month supply of canned goods for so many years. Better yet, congratulate them and let them know the years of stress, anguish, and paranoia finally paid off and bequeath all your stuff to them as you were never meant for this post-apocalyptic world.
In all seriousness, we just want to help spread some joy during these trying times, and mostly want to convey that we should all try and stay home (if possible) and help flatten the curve.
More info can be found here: #StayTheFuckHome
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Your secret is safe with us.