Valentines Day Dick Gifts

The Dick Bouquet!!!


Originally designed for Mother’s Day, the Dick Bouquet exudes sincerity and forgiveness.

Whether you’ve publicly humiliated the woman who stretched herself to unfathomable lengths just so you could ruin her life, or you recently blacked out into a threesome with your husband’s father and grandfather, this charming bouquet will get you out of the doghouse and back onto the couch.

The Dick Bouquet is curated with locally-sourced dickflowers (12), a sprig of baby’s breath and shitty, fluorescent tissue paper. There is no better way to say “I Love You” or “I’m sorry I jack-hammered the babysitter.”

If you’re still reading this, you’re a free-wheeling, pill-popping, ungrateful brute. Put down the Adderall, pick up the phone and order a dick. Actually, we don’t take phone orders. Get online with the rest of the sinners and reserve your Dick Bouquet today!

We’ve even included a custom note card for free!! Enter your message below.


Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.

Weight8 oz
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