Dad Dicks. The biggest damn dicks you ever saw in your prepubescent life.
Outfitted with a generic tie and a cup of American-flavored Joe, our dicks will transform your creator into a harbinger of hallmark-sponsored domestic bliss. Resurrect his balls from your mother’s purse and watch him proudly prance across the living room—among all the other suburban roosters, make him the top cock of the neighborhood. After all, your Dad cared enough about the “future you” to scuff the pleather interior of his Ford Tempo. So, tell him you love him, tell him you hate him or tell him you’re gay*. We don’t care. Just get the order in soon so we can get these dicks out the door.
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