Fantasy Footballs

Fantasy Footballs

Regular price $14.99 $0.00 Unit price per

Ah, football. The American pastime. The lights. The cheerleaders. The locker room circle jerks just before homecumming. I remember it all—trading kisses and STDs under the bleachers with girls from out of town. The gang showers after every practice. The star quarterback & that alligator between his legs. Ah fantasy football, to sob and slob on Bobby’s knob…

Hold up. I’m being told that Fantasy Football is a totally different thing. It apparently has little to do with nostalgic pornscapes of our high school years. I knew that. Totally. I was just kidding. Can’t you guys take a joke? Yes, the boner was part of the joke. It’s called method acting, you idiot.

UPDATE: Due to extenuating circumstances, Mr. Dick was unable to finish this product description.

This is a football dick. Send it to your friends who like football.

Or send it to the bottom man in the Fantasy Football League as a trophy for being the #1 loser.
Everyone knows not to put it in Tom Brady's tight end...A rookie mistake that certainly cost him the season.


Add a free note card above.

Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.

Some Frequently Asked Dick Questions:

- Are the dicks sent anonymously?
They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label.  Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information.

- Are you sure they won’t find out I sent it?? I’m really worried…
Rest assured your secret is safe with us! We have never and will never give out any order information.

How is this giant dick shipped?
We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service.
Every order gets a large orange sticker that says "Fondle With Care'

- How much is shipping?
All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $5 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $7-$12 depending on the destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping costs will be calculated on the checkout page.

 - How long does it take to get there?
Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this.

 - Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick?
Nope! They will only see’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell.

- How thick is the dick?
Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace.

- What color are the dicks?
Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other.

- Why are you guys even doing this?!?!?
Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.)

- Do you live and operate out of your parent’s basement?
Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?

Share this Product

Customer Reviews

No reviews yet