Bald Eagle Dick
Regular price
$29.99
If there was a noble prize for groundbreaking patriotism, our eagle dick would swoop through the auditorium, shit on the podium and fly off with his golden prize tucked between his talons. Yes, my friends, our cardboard raptor is that patriotdick!
Just like the beloved Turdicken, this eagle’s feathers affix to the shaft with plastic rivets which allow for maximum expansion. Go full spread eagle and make this dick the vigilante of your apartment complex or punish it by retracting its wings and putting it in the corner. The choice is yours, young falconer.
Accentuated with a laser-engraved USA across its chest and wings, this predatory raptor will suckle the teat of freedom ’til freedom herself cries mercy and begs for a safe word.
Boasting a 72 inch wing span and the royal American blood in its DNA, the Bald Eagle dick is a ferocious symbol of freedom that delivers a dickload of bang for every buck. Some Assembly acquired (It’s like IKEA, but for dicks–DICKEA).
Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.
Just like the beloved Turdicken, this eagle’s feathers affix to the shaft with plastic rivets which allow for maximum expansion. Go full spread eagle and make this dick the vigilante of your apartment complex or punish it by retracting its wings and putting it in the corner. The choice is yours, young falconer.
Accentuated with a laser-engraved USA across its chest and wings, this predatory raptor will suckle the teat of freedom ’til freedom herself cries mercy and begs for a safe word.
Boasting a 72 inch wing span and the royal American blood in its DNA, the Bald Eagle dick is a ferocious symbol of freedom that delivers a dickload of bang for every buck. Some Assembly acquired (It’s like IKEA, but for dicks–DICKEA).
Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.