Ah, football. The American pastime. The lights. The cheerleaders. The locker room circle jerks just before homecumming. I remember it all—trading kisses and STDs under the bleachers with girls from out of town. The gang showers after every practice. The star quarterback & that alligator between his legs. Ah fantasy football, to sob and slob on Bobby’s knob…
Hold up. I’m being told that Fantasy Football is a totally different thing. It apparently has little to do with nostalgic pornscapes of our high school years. I knew that. Totally. I was just kidding. Can’t you guys take a joke? Yes, the boner was part of the joke. It’s called method acting, you idiot.
UPDATE: Due to extenuating circumstances, Mr. Dick was unable to finish this product description.
This is a football dick. Send it to your friends who like football.
Add a free note card below.
Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.