The Shamcock

Derived from a vision during Jazzercise with Grandma Dick, the Shamcock may be the finest cardboard dick in the county.

I rish we were kidding, but alas, we’re not. Cockular demand and our inexplicable love for the St. Paddy’s Day circle-jerk has inspired yet another accessory for your beer-swilling and dancefloor grinding. Need a little extra boost to get you out the door and down to the PTA singles mixer? Grip the Shamcock and feel strength pulse through your pudgy body like you’re some kind of lust-dappled charming Leprechaun. Measuring an impressive 29" tall and endowed with 3 scrotums—all that mimic the shape of a clover, this cardboard shaft curls toward itself like a pedophile’s finger. Historically accurate as well, our 3-leaf ball clover represents the Holy Trinity, for St. Patrick used the shamrock to explain this biblical threesome to the Irish pagans.

Inscribed with the folkwhoric motto, “Kiss me, I’m Irish”, this confetti machete is primed and ready for action. Pretty much an ideal cocktail for any horribly generic happy hour conversation.

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