The Woody!!!!

Let’s be real for a second.

1. Sometimes certain conduct is so egregious that even a cardboard dick can’t aptly express the Fuckyouness of your outrage.
2. A certain psychopathic portion of the population revel in their dickniness, and they laugh like villains as all the peasants sweating below them wrestle with concepts like civility and morality.

As a result of these two empirical facts, we’ve unveiled the Ultimate Warrior (RIP) of Dickshipping. With all the subtlety of a boner at the beach, the Woody is a 29 inch phallus made from gluten-free, all-natural 1/4″ Baltic Birch Plywood. Weighing in at 2 pounds and hailing from Portland, Oregon this wooden dick is basically a gavel of epic proportions.

Have a best friend who you saved from drowning who defiled your wife on your wedding night and only told you 18 years later when he wanted to see what his kid looked like? He probably deserves a Woody. Or perhaps, you are that friend and you’ve been craving a MANtlepiece to complete your Wall of Shame.

Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.