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Ve vant to suck your cock...I mean blood. Freudian dicks aside, you may want to lock up your honeypot, for our caped Casanova is cumming for you! Hailing from TransylvANALia, this 29-inch impaler is so thirsty for virgin meat (i.e. the non-dickshippers among us) he’s enrolled at the Ship A Dick Graduate School of Hard Cocks. (At the totally non-creepy age of 10,000 years old, he’s staying in the dorm with the interns). Outfitted with a shitty cardboard cape and mancrafted with adorable, homicidal fangs, don’t open this bad boy until you’ve lubed yourself with garlic oil and covered up the sun.

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