The Panty Rose Dick
In this Tinderfied world of instant hookups and lethargic handies, authentic heartfelt gestures have grown decidedly scarce. Benevolent boners and valiant vaginas have been subsumed by crude clit pics & eggplant emojis. Even the The Hot Carl, once considered to be the most sincere and natural form of love-making has been reduced to a crude Waffle Stomp with little or no butt play attached. Consequently, we here at Ship A Dick, have decided to put the hole back into Wholesome this Valentine’s Day.
No longer will you robotically gyrate through a hurried fingerbang, for we have created a product so gooey and sentimental, Hallmark’s trying to make it into a shitty movie. Without further ado, behold, the Panty Rose.From afar, it’s a tender symbol of love and devotion. However, a closer inspection reveals its sultry secret–a little heavy petting will transform this rose into a bra-dropping brouhaha of L-O-V-E. Yes, my naive love soldiers, this rose doubles as pantyhose. So throw out that Mormon underwear & dust off that Al Green. These things are so dang flattering, they’ll totes overcompensate for whatever’s brimmin in that Petri dish below your bondage belt.
It cums in red, black, white and pink (which will be randomly selected) & attached to a giant cardboard dick (natural color).
Add a free note card above.
Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.
Some Frequently Asked Dick Questions:
- Are the dicks sent anonymously?
They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label. Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information.
- Are you sure they won’t find out I sent it?? I’m really worried…
Rest assured your secret is safe with us! We have never and will never give out any order information.
- How is this giant dick shipped?
We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service.
Every order gets a large orange sticker that says "Fondle With Care'
- How much is shipping?
All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $5 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $7-$12 depending on the destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping costs will be calculated on the checkout page.
- How long does it take to get there?
Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this.
- Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick?
Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell.
- How thick is the dick?
Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace.
- What color are the dicks?
Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other.
- Why are you guys even doing this?!?!?
Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.)
- Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of your parent’s basement?
Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?