The Graduation Dick!

In the three days following his marriage, Townes Van Zandt locked himself in a closet and wrote a little number called, “Waitin’ Around to Die.”

Change out the closet for the cubicle and there you have it folks—the tragedy of the American graduate. Armed with a degree in Post-Modern Zoology, our proud academic will effortlessly work a call center for the rest of her xanax-sponsored life.

Ah, the horror! Please consider lifting these glitter-faced gumshoes from their cold despair! Have a friend or daughter who has slacked her way through a liberal arts degree? Commemorate your fledgling Beer pong professional and her impressive resume of Cs and STDS with a graduation dick. Standing at an erect 29 inches and lovingly endowed with a cap and gown, this dick should aptly express that profound indifference which a bachelor’s degree inspires. Unlike your special little graduate’s plagiarized thesis, our graduation dicks will arrive spell-checked and on time.

Add a free note card above.

Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.

Some Frequently Asked Dick Questions:

- Are the dicks sent anonymously?
They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label.  Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information.

- Are you sure they won’t find out I sent it?? I’m really worried…
Rest assured your secret is safe with us! We have never and will never give out any order information.

- How is this giant dick shipped?
We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service.
Every order gets a large orange sticker that says "Fondle With Care'

- How much is shipping?
All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $5 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $7-$12 depending on the destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping costs will be calculated on the checkout page.

 - How long does it take to get there?
Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this.

 - Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick?
Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell.

- How thick is the dick?
Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace.

- What color are the dicks?
Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other.

- Why are you guys even doing this?!?!?
Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.)

- Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of your parent’s basement?
Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?