Cocksuckula
Ve vant to suck your cock...I mean blood. Freudian dicks aside, you may want to lock up your honeypot, for our caped Casanova is cumming for you! Hailing from TransylvANALia, this 29-inch impaler is so thirsty for virgin meat (i.e. the non-dickshippers among us) he’s enrolled at the Ship A Dick Graduate School of Hard Cocks. (At the totally non-creepy age of 10,000 years old, he’s staying in the dorm with the interns). Outfitted with a shitty cardboard cape and mancrafted with adorable, homicidal fangs, don’t open this bad boy until you’ve lubed yourself with garlic oil and covered up the sun.
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Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.
Some Frequently Asked Dick Questions:
- Are the dicks sent anonymously?
They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label. Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information.
- Are you sure they won’t find out I sent it?? I’m really worried…
Rest assured your secret is safe with us! We have never and will never give out any order information.
- How is this giant dick shipped?
We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service.
Every order gets a large orange sticker that says "Fondle With Care'
- How much is shipping?
All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $5 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $7-$12 depending on the destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping costs will be calculated on the checkout page.
- How long does it take to get there?
Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this.
- Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick?
Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell.
- How thick is the dick?
Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace.
- What color are the dicks?
Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other.
- Why are you guys even doing this?!?!?
Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.)
- Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of your parent’s basement?
Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?