Dick Crowns!!

Ask any homecumming king or drama queen.

Uneasy is the head that wears the crown. Just like Elvis, Rupaul and Jesus, we too have been cursed by that metaphorical crown of porns. Nevertheless, as our interns/nymphs feed us sausages from in between their ethereal racks, and our pet hummingbirds dance upon our icy nipples, we have to admit, it’s pretty good to be king.

You too, dear peasant, could  becum king of your own castle and transform your doublewide to Cockingham palace. Behold, my lord, thy golden crown of dick.

Laser-cut by a throng of illiterate serfs, these golden garlands are a veritable daisy chain of dick. Not only do our adjustable dick crowns derive from ultra-scarce 105 lb. Stardream Cardstock, but they exude so much authority, you’ll be handing out hall passes at the Swingers Club this weekend.

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