Happy Birthday Dick!
Mr. Dick hasn’t always been so happy-go-lucky.There was a dark time. In the heyday of his hedonism, he was surrounded by nymphos, unicorns and methamphetamines. He felt loved; he felt whole, or so he thought. On his thirtieth birthday, he woke up sweating in his satin sheets. Through his half-open bloodshot eye, all he could see was empty bottles of Cristal lying in a mess of off-white pantyhose that littered his shag carpet like a post-modern exhibition of all things past. He reached a trembling hand to his nightstand and pressed the answering machine. No messages. He got up and surveyed the counter. Not a single note or birthday greeting, but assorted lines of Benadryl upon a mirror which then reflected his unloved face.
From that day forward, Mr. Dick made a promise to himself. Never again would he allow the boys of summer to cockblock such an important anniversary. Better yet, he would always remember birthdays and make his friends and family feel loved. In honor of his bold decision, we are offering a summer special on “Happy Birthday “Dicks. No longer a pull-down message, these will be sold for $14.99, for as Mr. Dick reminds us, “It’s not okay to let your friends confront their mortality alone.”
Well said, O wise pioneer of the cardboard dick, well said.
Each Birthday Special Dick comes with a free party blower taped to the tip!
Enter your free note card above.
Every order is sent anonymously!
Your secret is safe with us.
Some Frequently Asked Dick Questions:
- Are the dicks sent anonymously?
They sure are! The only clue of where it came from will be Ship A Dick’s return address on the shipping label. Even if they email us asking who sent it, we’ll tell them it goes against our Ship A Dick Code of Ethics and we won’t give out that private information.
- Are you sure they won’t find out I sent it?? I’m really worried…
Rest assured your secret is safe with us! We have never and will never give out any order information.
- How is this giant dick shipped?
We insert the full length penis into a thin brown paper bag, seal it up, slap a shipping label on it and send it out into the wild via the United States Postal Service.
Every order gets a large orange sticker that says "Fondle With Care'
- How much is shipping?
All dicks are shipped via the United States Postal Service. The cheapest shipping option is ‘First Class Mail’ and generally runs about $5 and takes 3-6 business days to arrive. The faster and more expensive option is ‘Priority Mail’. It costs about $7-$12 depending on the destination and will arrive in 1-3 days. All shipping costs will be calculated on the checkout page.
- How long does it take to get there?
Generally, we ship dicks within 24hrs after they’re ordered, occasionally within 2 days of an order. No dicks are shipped on weekends; please time your order accordingly. If they are shipped via ‘First Class mail’ then it will take 3-6 business days to arrive once the order is processed. Faster shipping via ‘Priority Mail’ will get your dick there in 1-3 days after the order is processed. We do not guarantee the USPS won’t drop the balls on this.
- Will the recipient know I sent them a giant dick?
Nope! They will only see ShipADick.com’s return address. It’s our dirty, little secret. We promise not to tell.
- How thick is the dick?
Dicks are made of 1/4″ double-walled gluten free, free-range, certified orgasmic cardboard. What they lack in thickness, they deliver, like a Creed slow jam, in beauty and grace.
- What color are the dicks?
Like your Aunt Edna’s underwear, white on one side, and brown on the other.
- Why are you guys even doing this?!?!?
Because shipping giant dicks to people brings us more joy than anything else in life (after handies from your mother of course.)
- Do you live and operate ShipADick.com out of your parent’s basement?
Yes… How’d you guess that?!?!?