Penis Prayer Candle

Dear my fellow throbbing members of the cockgregation,
This is your pastor speaking, and though I’m generally content to sleep through a few confessions and tup a few altar boys, circumstances have forced me to dicklare a moral emergency.

A dickening and dong degradation is plaguing our cuntree. As I write this sacred sext, a young virgin is realizing homosexuality is totally normal, and that the few chapters in the Bible which call it a sin also warn us that eating shellfish is an unforgivable indiscretion.

Cuntsequently, we must rise up, to the top of our soccer shorts, and fight back. That’s why I created the Penis Prayer Candle. It’s like a trojan horse for degenerates and mastubators.
Once lit, the scent of pube sweat, pumpkin spice and 90s jabroni cologne, will bring its master back to their lord and savior.

So what are you waiting for, my pious swamp donkey?
Get on your knees and bray.

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