The Graduation Dick!

In the three days following his marriage, Townes Van Zandt locked himself in a closet and wrote a little number called, “Waitin’ Around to Die.”

Change out the closet for the cubicle and there you have it folks—the tragedy of the American graduate. Armed with a degree in Post-Modern Zoology, our proud academic will effortlessly work a call center for the rest of her xanax-sponsored life.

Ah, the horror! Please consider lifting these glitter-faced gumshoes from their cold despair! Have a friend or daughter who has slacked her way through a liberal arts degree? Commemorate your fledgling Beer pong professional and her impressive resume of Cs and STDS with a graduation dick. Standing at an erect 29 inches and lovingly endowed with a cap and gown, this dick should aptly express that profound indifference which a bachelor’s degree inspires. Unlike your special little graduate’s plagiarized thesis, our graduation dicks will arrive spell-checked and on time.

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