The Hallmark Dick

 Merry Dickmas!

While some peasants revel in sophmordick jokes and genitalicious hijinks, others around us have evolved into civilized humans. For all you aristococks out there, we’ve created the simple and humble Hallmark Dick. Not festooned with funny suits or sprinkled with scratch n’ sniff glitter, this modest joystick is nothing but a vessel for a wholesome holiday message. Don’t embarrass yourself with a crude, suggestive cardboard dick. Have a little class for once in your life, and impress your in-laws with your subtlety and sophistication.

Each dick is inscribed with ‘Merry Christmas’ and has several blue snowflakes stamped on the tip and balls.

Add a free note card above.

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Your secret is safe with us.